10 replies to this topic

[NawlinsGirl]

Hi Sleepless,

Im really sorry to hear about your friend. I dont have any horror stories concerning those issues and I hope I never do. I can only imagine what he was going through with all that taken away from him. I just wish he would have realized that nothing in this world is worth taking a life for, esp if he had children. I will pray for his family.

NAWLINSGIRL

[NurseChat]

That's so sad. Suicide is never the answer.

[mattsmom]

I'm so sorry to hear this... cannot help but wonder if depression was the root cause of his problems..the diversion itself and the eventual suicide. The impulse to self medicate for depression is huge today, sadly, and alcohol and drugs seem an easy fix. Even sadder is this was a health care pro (as was his wife) both of whom should have recognized the problem and reached out for help. I'm sorry the OK BON did not seek to offer more human kindness to your friend, where proper support and rehabilitation could have prevented this sad event. I'm so sorry for his friends and family. His children especially will suffer a life of wondering why their Dad left them.

[3boyzmom]

I'm so sorry to hear this. I think that men are often affected much more than women by the perceived expectation of the man to succeed in his career. I can't imagine going through this ordeal. Although he was responsible for the initial event, it does seem like it could have been handled in a more compassionate manner. Especially since he reported it himself.

I'm thinking back on times when I've evaluated a situation after-the-fact and wished I'd handled it differently. There have been times when I've really beat myself up over things, even though I did the best I could at the time, because I tend to expect perfection from myself. So when I fall short of this, (and we all do, we're only human), I have spent my time in the pits thinking "I'm a bad nurse, useless", etc. All the good things I've done and all the people I have helped leave my mind temporarily and all I can see is my shortcoming. I don't know if I'm the only one like this, but I really doubt it. So I can see where, when faced with such a significant, public, career-altering circumstance, one could lose the ability to keep any perspective. It's so sad, too, because the rest of us would be the first to tell the person "It's not the end of the world! You can overcome this!" but when you're the person it's probably a pretty hopeless feeling. And if you haven't already beat yourself up enough about it, then to have the BON "confirm" your feelings to you.... well, it's a tough place to be.

My condolences go out to his friends and family, and my prayers for him. No one should need to feel this hopeless. May his soul be at peace now.

[rottmommie]

In the event I could not use my nursing license (what the heck is diversion anyway), I would work two jobs selling burgers, tacos, cleaning,etc, until I could get a degree in another type of job. Heck, you can make 10 bucks an hour just sitting in a group home with a ged here....for dd or mi.
i guess I am too stubborn to kill myself, I would rather stay here and make everyone else miserable.
Sorry about this guy's position, but there was something else wrong to make him just kill himself, it was NOT over the license, the family, etc.
He suffered from severe depression obviously, or this would not have happened. No matter what, he would have done it eventually, it was not the issues that lied before him that caused it.
I worked with a nurse that attempted suicide due to her divorce threat from her husband. She did not succeed, and lay in a coma for fifteen years, but her husband, succeeded. He killed himself the day after her attempt.
There was something seriously wrong here, because EVERYONE does not kill themselves if in a position like that, or I would have been gone long ago.
There are survivors in the world, and there are victims. You make your choice to either survive, or be a victim, or your mental illness makes the choice for you.
Either way, it has little to do with your profession.

[3boyzmom]

Yeah but I still say it's more than just a "can I make a living" issue. Guilt and remorse can play havoc on a person. And men particularly have a hard time with their "provider" role stripped away, or perceiving themselves as failures.

[LuisRN]

Hi everyone! Unfortunately, I knew a nurse that did the same. This incident impacted many people and co-workers I know and brought sadness and tears to ones who knew him well. I knew him because I had the oportunity to work with him in the ED and always portrayed an outgoing, friendly attitude not only to mention his superb nursing. Although I do not know all the details of this case, I know that his ex-companion, family pressure and possibly severe depression made a contribution to this effect. I was extremely shocked and saddened by this episode. It was pre-meditated, devastating and cold. No one picked on any of his cry for help. Since then, all I can conclude is that indeed is true that we are all humans and imperfect and sometimes anyone can be exposed to a stressful events that may lead to this. Luis RN

[3boyzmom]

I agree, I don't think anyone can say "it could never happen to me." Everyone has their limit of how much pressure they can withstand. Fortunately, some who reach this limit have the visible breakdown, so that others can see the seriousness of the situation and help the person get help. Some, though, never let on to the people around them, and everyone is shocked afterward.

Looking back, there are often some kind of signs, but they're not recognizable until after the fact.

It is tragic. It's so sad for someone to feel so alone that they can't ask for help, or to feel that a situation is that hopeless.

[Snupi]

Suicide is a horrible thing. In my family, I have lost my dad, my brother, an uncle and five cousins to suicide, I've also lost co-workers, classmates, and patients to suicide. The old adage "If they threaten, they won't do it." is completely false, yes, they may be asking for help, but they must also be willing to accept help. My dad threatened for 8 years before he did it, my brother never even threatened once, just did it. As an RN, I have suffered from depression myself. Anybody remember "clinical depression"? For some people, it is impossible to "pull yourself up by the boot straps" and not suffer the mental anguish anymore. Let's face it, everybody goes through times that they just don't want to continue living, but suicidal depression is different. As far as your "profession" goes, yes, you must have the ability to recognize the signs, and you must know what kind of action to take or not take. From my own personal experience, I can tell you recognition of suicidal ideation and swift intervention with medications and proper psychological help is the only preventative. Unfortunately, people are very good at hiding these tendencies and don't allow their friends and co-workers to see that part of themselves. Survivor's guilt can be devastating. You can just "if" yourself into insanity. The fact is that if we could tell the future, then we as nurses could stop a lot of injuries, illnesses, suicides, and grief. I don't have that ability, and I don't know of anyone who can read minds. Unfortunately, you get into "if I'd known then what I know now" frame of mind and it can become a vicious circle of grief. If there is anything I have learned, it is that "It's not your fault." If a person is bent on self-destruction and is unwilling to be helped, you can't stop them from taking their own life. You may delay them, but if it is truly their wish to die you can't stop them, they will succeed sooner or later. We just have to do the best we can with the information we have at the time. You can't hold yourself responsible for information you did not have. Okay, getting off my soap box now!

[NawlinsGirl]

Hi Snupi,

I am very sorry about the loss of Your family members and friends. I dont think anyone could have said it more accurately than You. Many people with suicidal tendencies are very good at covering up. There is no way for us to know what they are planning. As to the families of these people, it leaves a terrible burden of guilt after it happens. They are left to wonder like you said "I should have seen the signs", or If I only would have known". Unfortunately the ones left behind have to live the rest of their lives with this in the back of their minds. If only the people who are considering suicide as an option could look into the future and see what effects their actions have on their loved ones, they may change their minds.

I guess all we can do is try to encourage our loved ones or our patients with depression to seek the help they need. And again, they have to be willing to want the help. Thank you for your post, it was very enlightening to me.

Nawlinsgirl