quote name='emma' date='Feb 16 2006, 11:02 AM' post='2504']
HI My name is emma, RN. My reason for this chat is that I need some professional feedback, pertaining to problems in the workplace. I started my nursing proffession at 50 and am now 54.
I love nursing, but I am finding I am not able to emotionally handle the attitudes- when they do occur -from some of the other nurses and staff I work with. I envy the mello, even-keeled nurse. I have had many kudos from families and other nurses regarding my nursing as a whole, but i find myself asking the nurses I admire, "How do you do it?" How can they let comments, and gossip from cna's, and the backstabbing from some of the other nurses not get to them? Do I have to learn how to be more two-faced or is is just called diplomatic. What do you nurses do when another nurse critiquites your nursing skills to other cna's and nurses? How do you develope a thick skin and continue to show that you care?
Thank you
Emma
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I could use some feedback
Started by emma, Feb 16 2006 05:51 PM
15 replies to this topic
#2
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Posted 16 February 2006 - 06:37 PM
Ah, Emma, it's sad but true. We've all been there and had to learn how to cope in the work environment. I"ve never done anything but nursing, so I don't know if other professions have this problem. My advice is:
1. Don't give in and join the gossips and back-stabbers in their habits. You'll only be more miserable.
2. Critique your own work. If you aren't performing as well as you'd like, get some mentoring or figure out a plan for improvement. If you feel that your work is good and that you're doing the best you can, be secure in that knowledge. Let others talk if they want. It's their problem, not yours.
3. When people try to include you in the gossip, gracefully back out. For example, if someone says "that Suzy is so slow doing her work, I wonder how she keeps her job!" you can say "her patients seem happy", or "I've not noticed" and get away from the conversation. If you want to be bolder, you could say "if she's having trouble getting her work done, maybe we need to ask her if she needs any help".
5. One thing I've learned over the years--- it is NOT worth getting an ulcer over. I've kind of developed the attitude, "if they're talking about me, at least that's giving some other poor soul a rest." If other people want to be angry, unhappy and bitter, I'm sorry for them, but I don't own their problems.
Best of luck to you!
1. Don't give in and join the gossips and back-stabbers in their habits. You'll only be more miserable.
2. Critique your own work. If you aren't performing as well as you'd like, get some mentoring or figure out a plan for improvement. If you feel that your work is good and that you're doing the best you can, be secure in that knowledge. Let others talk if they want. It's their problem, not yours.
3. When people try to include you in the gossip, gracefully back out. For example, if someone says "that Suzy is so slow doing her work, I wonder how she keeps her job!" you can say "her patients seem happy", or "I've not noticed" and get away from the conversation. If you want to be bolder, you could say "if she's having trouble getting her work done, maybe we need to ask her if she needs any help".
5. One thing I've learned over the years--- it is NOT worth getting an ulcer over. I've kind of developed the attitude, "if they're talking about me, at least that's giving some other poor soul a rest." If other people want to be angry, unhappy and bitter, I'm sorry for them, but I don't own their problems.
Best of luck to you!
#3
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Posted 18 February 2006 - 02:42 AM
HI EMMA,
I READ YOUR DILEMMA AND I CAN UNDERSTAND HOW YOU FEEL, BUT I THINK ITS IMPORTANT FOR ALL OF US TO KNOW THAT NO MATTER WHAT YOUR PROFESSION IS , THERE ARE GOING TO BE THOSE FEW BAD APPLES IN THE BUNCH. YOU JUST HAVE TO LEARN TO IGNORE THEY NEGATIVITY AND FEEL CONFIDENT THAT YOU ARE DOING YOUR BEST. YOU EVEN SAID YOU ARE GETTING KUDOS FROM FAMILIES AND OTHER NURSES. THAT RIGHT THERE SHOULD TELL YOU THAT YOU MUST BE DOING A GREAT JOB. NOW AS FAR AS BECOMING TWO FACED LIKE THE ONES YOU ARE COMPLAINING ABOUT , I DONT THINK THAT WOULD BE A GOOD IDEA TO BECOME LIKE THEM BECAUSE THEN SOMEONE WOULD BE POSTING A LETTER JUST LIKE YOU ARE COMPLAINING ABOUT YOU... LOL. SO IN THAT ASPECT, I DONT THINK THE SAYING " IF YOU CANT BEAT THEM JOIN THEM" WOULD BE APPROPRIATE ...
SO ALL WE CAN DO IS OUR BEST...........................
NAWLINSGIRL
I READ YOUR DILEMMA AND I CAN UNDERSTAND HOW YOU FEEL, BUT I THINK ITS IMPORTANT FOR ALL OF US TO KNOW THAT NO MATTER WHAT YOUR PROFESSION IS , THERE ARE GOING TO BE THOSE FEW BAD APPLES IN THE BUNCH. YOU JUST HAVE TO LEARN TO IGNORE THEY NEGATIVITY AND FEEL CONFIDENT THAT YOU ARE DOING YOUR BEST. YOU EVEN SAID YOU ARE GETTING KUDOS FROM FAMILIES AND OTHER NURSES. THAT RIGHT THERE SHOULD TELL YOU THAT YOU MUST BE DOING A GREAT JOB. NOW AS FAR AS BECOMING TWO FACED LIKE THE ONES YOU ARE COMPLAINING ABOUT , I DONT THINK THAT WOULD BE A GOOD IDEA TO BECOME LIKE THEM BECAUSE THEN SOMEONE WOULD BE POSTING A LETTER JUST LIKE YOU ARE COMPLAINING ABOUT YOU... LOL. SO IN THAT ASPECT, I DONT THINK THE SAYING " IF YOU CANT BEAT THEM JOIN THEM" WOULD BE APPROPRIATE ...
SO ALL WE CAN DO IS OUR BEST........................... NAWLINSGIRL
Success stems from hard work, devotion, and the ability to learn from one's mistakes.
#4
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Posted 21 February 2006 - 03:42 PM
i totally understand where you come from. but sometimes you have to take it with a grain of salt and move on with life. truely if you were that bad at what you do then im sure management would be taking action. there are always going to be those people no matter where you go, its just human nature to be that way, sadly. chin up, and do what you do the best way you can. and if it were me, and i heard about it if i felt it were that much of an issue i might confront the person and say "i hear you have some opionions on my work ethic, would you care to share them with me face to face? so maybe i can consider ways to change?" not that you have to change, but you never know, maybe (even as crappy as they act) they might have a good point or idea on a way that you could improve or change something you do, but they are uncapable of "constructive criticism". hope it all works out. sometimes people just suck.
andrea
andrea
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#5
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Posted 21 February 2006 - 06:30 PM
Emma,
I am sorry you have to deal with such a situation. I think consensus is that we have all dealt with similar situations.
I had one teacher who had a suggestion on how to deal with this kind of situation. Her advise was to change where you work every year to two years. She said that familiarity bred contempt and laziness, not only with those you work with but with one's self. She said one doesn't really get sucked into the 'politics' of the floor so readily.
I also have some friends who refuse to be permanent on one floor and have floats to various floor to avoid the backstabbing atmosphere.
I haven't been a nurse too long so I am still learning the basics of dealing with fellow staff and various personalities. It was great to read the other nurses' suggestions. I has given me tons to think about my own interaction with those I work with.
I am sorry you have to deal with such a situation. I think consensus is that we have all dealt with similar situations.
I had one teacher who had a suggestion on how to deal with this kind of situation. Her advise was to change where you work every year to two years. She said that familiarity bred contempt and laziness, not only with those you work with but with one's self. She said one doesn't really get sucked into the 'politics' of the floor so readily.
I also have some friends who refuse to be permanent on one floor and have floats to various floor to avoid the backstabbing atmosphere.
I haven't been a nurse too long so I am still learning the basics of dealing with fellow staff and various personalities. It was great to read the other nurses' suggestions. I has given me tons to think about my own interaction with those I work with.
#6
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Posted 21 February 2006 - 07:39 PM
I really liked Andrea's suggestion- approach the person who's been talking and say something like "I understand you have concerns about my work, I'd like it if you'd share them with me." For one thing, that makes the "talker" wonder who in the heck told you what she said (now she can't trust her "friends"). Holding someone accountable for their actions can be very effective.
I actually had that happen to me, in reverse, once. And it turned out to be very therapeutic. We had a new young doctor start on the psych unit I was working. He drove all the nurses nuts; he was overly nit-picky about how he wanted things done. Silly things, like if our unit routine for QID vital signs was 8-12-4-8, he would order his q 6 hours instead, which fouled up the routine. Not a huge deal, but lots of little things like that. You know, control issues. (I guess we had them on our part, too). The head nurse said that we all should sit down and talk with him.
Well, apparently, she told him all about this and told him that we all needed to talk. But instead, he approached me (just me!) and said "I understand you have some concerns about the way I practice, I'd like to talk about it." So we went into an office, and what could I do? I was trapped. Couldn't deny it, so I plunged in. I said something like, "well, I'm not questioning your competence at all. But the other docs have always trusted us enough to let us use our own judgment on some things, (and gave examples). So it just makes me feel like you don't trust us, and I want you to know that we will all do our very best to take excellent care of your patients. For example with the vital signs, it's easy to forget to do the ones that are off-schedule, and it disrupts the routine because the patient may be in group,etc. Or letting us use our judgment whether a patient can be taken outdoors with staff to smoke, without calling you first."
WELL- he listened, and when I was done, he said something like "well, thank you for telling me how you feel. I'm pretty fresh out of school, and I admit I am very careful at this point and I don't feel comfortable unless I have a certain amount of control; otherwise I get anxious. So, I'm not sure what I can do at this point to help, but right now I will say that you can change my patient's vital sign schedule to that of your other patients. The rest we'll just have to see about in time, as I get used to you all and you get used to me."
So, not too much changed right away, except for one really, really important thing--- I grew to like him, and found that after that ice-breaking conversation he and I were always able to easily talk about any issue that came up.
Moral of the story- it's ALWAYS better to calmly and rationally just talk things out if you have an issue with someone. Easier said than done, true. I only did it that time because I was cornered. But I was impressed with the results!
I actually had that happen to me, in reverse, once. And it turned out to be very therapeutic. We had a new young doctor start on the psych unit I was working. He drove all the nurses nuts; he was overly nit-picky about how he wanted things done. Silly things, like if our unit routine for QID vital signs was 8-12-4-8, he would order his q 6 hours instead, which fouled up the routine. Not a huge deal, but lots of little things like that. You know, control issues. (I guess we had them on our part, too). The head nurse said that we all should sit down and talk with him.
Well, apparently, she told him all about this and told him that we all needed to talk. But instead, he approached me (just me!) and said "I understand you have some concerns about the way I practice, I'd like to talk about it." So we went into an office, and what could I do? I was trapped. Couldn't deny it, so I plunged in. I said something like, "well, I'm not questioning your competence at all. But the other docs have always trusted us enough to let us use our own judgment on some things, (and gave examples). So it just makes me feel like you don't trust us, and I want you to know that we will all do our very best to take excellent care of your patients. For example with the vital signs, it's easy to forget to do the ones that are off-schedule, and it disrupts the routine because the patient may be in group,etc. Or letting us use our judgment whether a patient can be taken outdoors with staff to smoke, without calling you first."
WELL- he listened, and when I was done, he said something like "well, thank you for telling me how you feel. I'm pretty fresh out of school, and I admit I am very careful at this point and I don't feel comfortable unless I have a certain amount of control; otherwise I get anxious. So, I'm not sure what I can do at this point to help, but right now I will say that you can change my patient's vital sign schedule to that of your other patients. The rest we'll just have to see about in time, as I get used to you all and you get used to me."
So, not too much changed right away, except for one really, really important thing--- I grew to like him, and found that after that ice-breaking conversation he and I were always able to easily talk about any issue that came up.
Moral of the story- it's ALWAYS better to calmly and rationally just talk things out if you have an issue with someone. Easier said than done, true. I only did it that time because I was cornered. But I was impressed with the results!
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Posted 22 February 2006 - 09:07 AM
I remember when I first started nursing and someone told me I had to develop a thick skin. It angers me as much now to hear that as it did back then. There are individuals in our profession that feel it is their right to treat others with anger words and aggression that includes being rude, humiliating or unjustly critical. There is one word that comes to mind and that is bullying! We don't put up with it in our schools so why in the world do we tolerate it in our workplace. There is a lot of study on the prevalance of bullying within the nursing profession. Your facility should have a policy on respectful workplace. Talk to the individuals involved, and be prepared to take a stand against their behaviour. You do not have to put up with it. You should not have to develop thick skin just to cope at work. This isn't a 'right of passage' into nursing.
Just my humble opinion
Just my humble opinion
#9
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Posted 27 February 2006 - 09:43 PM
Emma - don't get involved in any gossip ever - walk away - just say you don't want to hear any of it and walk away.
I work nights to get away from too many staff around, gossiping, phones ringing etc - easier that way.
Now, I have kids, I am too tired to care, and just want my pay on time. Not interested in anything else.
There is a saying here that "nurses eat their young" - very true at times. I am thick skinned now, and really don't care - I do my shift and walk out.
THis was one of the reasons I liked agency nursing - walk in, do the work, walk out, and get paid.
Might never go there again, or it might be weeks. No gossip, no bitching.
I work nights to get away from too many staff around, gossiping, phones ringing etc - easier that way.
Now, I have kids, I am too tired to care, and just want my pay on time. Not interested in anything else.
There is a saying here that "nurses eat their young" - very true at times. I am thick skinned now, and really don't care - I do my shift and walk out.
THis was one of the reasons I liked agency nursing - walk in, do the work, walk out, and get paid.
Might never go there again, or it might be weeks. No gossip, no bitching.
#10 Guest_sleepless in norman_*
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Posted 28 February 2006 - 01:45 PM
It's been my experience that the only ones who critisize you in private, are the ones less than you and envy you, the opinions that matter will address you professionally, don't let the have nots put you beside yourself, your a professional, act like it, if you need to, take a peronal inventory and move on. Lifes to short for petty differences. If you need counseling, trust me there are plenty of management personell that will let you know. Good Luck.
#11
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Posted 28 February 2006 - 01:54 PM
Hi,
I, like you am a more mature RN. I won't say older because I do not feel older at this time. I have noticed more that we may be a little more aware of the bad treatment and the bitterness come from the other staff because we were not trained as children to be that way. The younger generation has a whole new outlook on things. Gen X is more into themselves and what they want. I am not saying all of you but alot are. I have some very supportive younger nurses that I work with and some that must have been borned with implants telling them that they can speak and treat anyone any way they wish. This is very sad, because they do not see themselves that way. They beleive their way is the right way and everyone must give into them.
I feel that the more mature nurse must be an example for the young new nurse. If there is one out there who will let you and do not come out of school knowing everything, please take them under your wing and help them become a great nurse. The reason for this is selfish. We will the the elderly in a few years. These young people will be caring for us and would you not rest better to know there are caring ones out there and that you may have had some help in making them that way. I cringe at the thought of some of the nurses at out hospital taking care of me or my family.
The greatest saying that I go by is "The most dangerous person is the one who does not know what they do not know."
I am new to the forum but I hope to get to know some of you better.
I, like you am a more mature RN. I won't say older because I do not feel older at this time. I have noticed more that we may be a little more aware of the bad treatment and the bitterness come from the other staff because we were not trained as children to be that way. The younger generation has a whole new outlook on things. Gen X is more into themselves and what they want. I am not saying all of you but alot are. I have some very supportive younger nurses that I work with and some that must have been borned with implants telling them that they can speak and treat anyone any way they wish. This is very sad, because they do not see themselves that way. They beleive their way is the right way and everyone must give into them.
I feel that the more mature nurse must be an example for the young new nurse. If there is one out there who will let you and do not come out of school knowing everything, please take them under your wing and help them become a great nurse. The reason for this is selfish. We will the the elderly in a few years. These young people will be caring for us and would you not rest better to know there are caring ones out there and that you may have had some help in making them that way. I cringe at the thought of some of the nurses at out hospital taking care of me or my family.
The greatest saying that I go by is "The most dangerous person is the one who does not know what they do not know."
I am new to the forum but I hope to get to know some of you better.
#12
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Posted 28 February 2006 - 06:20 PM
hi abbeygirl,
I AGREE WITH YOU 100 PERCENT.. AND WELCOME TO THE SITE .. IM LOOKING FORWARD TO CHATTING WITH YOU SOON..
NAWLISNSGIRL
I AGREE WITH YOU 100 PERCENT.. AND WELCOME TO THE SITE .. IM LOOKING FORWARD TO CHATTING WITH YOU SOON..
NAWLISNSGIRL
Success stems from hard work, devotion, and the ability to learn from one's mistakes.
#13
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Posted 28 February 2006 - 09:09 PM
Having been a Nurse for 41 years, I think that I have probably seen it all and been through it all by now.
Nursing is famous for..."Eating it's Young".
I have learned to listen to only those who have something constructive to say and/or something to teach me.
In many work situations, there is the "GOAT" deal going on.
The "GOAT" happens to be the person in the workplace, who for one reason or another, is elected to be criticized or excoriated for some "infraction" by their colleagues, and "goats" actions and personality will be discussed "ad infitiem".
Be assured that the "GOAT" title moves on.
I have found it valuable to leave my personal "stuff" at home and go to work "In the Zone" focused on the needs of the people entrusted to my care.
I am sorry for the patients of other "Professionals" who have so much time on their hands and their minds to engage in workplace "b*llsh*t.
The ill and "needy" deserve more than that.
Continue to work with the dedication to provide the kind of care that you and those of your family and friends would like to receive and you will be just fine.
Nursing is famous for..."Eating it's Young".
I have learned to listen to only those who have something constructive to say and/or something to teach me.
In many work situations, there is the "GOAT" deal going on.
The "GOAT" happens to be the person in the workplace, who for one reason or another, is elected to be criticized or excoriated for some "infraction" by their colleagues, and "goats" actions and personality will be discussed "ad infitiem".
Be assured that the "GOAT" title moves on.
I have found it valuable to leave my personal "stuff" at home and go to work "In the Zone" focused on the needs of the people entrusted to my care.
I am sorry for the patients of other "Professionals" who have so much time on their hands and their minds to engage in workplace "b*llsh*t.
The ill and "needy" deserve more than that.
Continue to work with the dedication to provide the kind of care that you and those of your family and friends would like to receive and you will be just fine.
#14
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Posted 01 March 2006 - 01:53 PM
You are new to the field and you will learn ways to reply to criticisms as you gain in self confidence. it is awful how some experienced nurses treat our novices!! its important for you to find some good people to bounce things off and get honest feedback from.
I like the suggestions about approaching the criticizers directly and asking for feedback and CONSTRUCTIVE criticism. This way you show yourself to be willing to learn better ways to do things.
After 28 yrs in this game. honestly when I hear gossip about my nursing care ie 'so and so said this about you'. I shrug and say 'if its a huge problem let them write it up and we'll let management decide how bad I am'. If its personal, well I decide based on how damaging it is. If its petty I might just blow it off.
I get aggravated at having to play politics, so I find I do better on night shift.
I like the suggestions about approaching the criticizers directly and asking for feedback and CONSTRUCTIVE criticism. This way you show yourself to be willing to learn better ways to do things.
After 28 yrs in this game. honestly when I hear gossip about my nursing care ie 'so and so said this about you'. I shrug and say 'if its a huge problem let them write it up and we'll let management decide how bad I am'. If its personal, well I decide based on how damaging it is. If its petty I might just blow it off.
I get aggravated at having to play politics, so I find I do better on night shift.
Success is the best revenge.
#15
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Posted 02 March 2006 - 12:10 AM
just to add on to my previous comment, i am a night shift float nurse so i find it extremely rare that i have to deal with politics and such, and also i can go back to our staffing coordinator and say ..i just dont want to go back to that floor tonight, put me somplace else. its nice to to have to go back if i dont want to. i love nights..and i love float pool. just a thought.
andrea
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